i have been giving a whole lot of people a whole lot of grief for their continued use of applying business model metaphors and terms to the function and identity of the church and its agents. though i believe that no institution or power is beyond redemption (thank you walter wink) i also believe that at this moment the business model may be temporarily bankrupt of integrity when it comes to models we should follow (e.g. enron, worldcom, aig, citicorp, bank of america, the list goes on...which is a major part of the problem). one of those folks challenged me to supply them with a model or models that might be less problematic. so i threw out three and i would like to see what you think... pioneers: (ala Walt Whitman & western US expansion) moving out into an unfamiliar area with little professional expertise but a boat load of common sense, the church could reclaim its pioneering spirit of not only reaching out into new areas to establish community but also rediscover the value...
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As for the spiritual snag, I pretty much live in one all the time. At least since the Baptists revivals or Jr. High. The best advice I can give is to just keep struggling. I think I will struggle with my spirituality until the day I die and I am ok with that. Heck, Mother Theresa even had a "Crisis of Faith" and from what I've read it was much worse than mine. Just my opinion, but I think that was due to the fact that she had trouble accepting it.
You're going to feel better soon. The fact that you posted this blog tells me that you are a fellow struggler.
Remember this prayer that my 4 year old recites every Sunday morning. "Dear Jesus, who loves us, help us we pray, to be your good children and live the right way. Amen"
That pretty much sums it up for me... Peace
Neil